WWJD: Where Will Jimmy Drink

All good things must come to an end for Jimmy who no longer has a perfect 4.0 GPA to start the semester. Last week we reviewed how Jimmy’s lack of exams and assignments so far this semester had falsely inflated his ego to the point that he signed up for the local MENSA chapter. Having spent the weekend drinking instead of studying he ended up failing his first assignment in “18th Century Eastern European Basket Weaving”, a class that was supposed to get him back on track with an easy D. Things only got worse on Tuesday when his professor for “The Art of Art” sprung a surprise exam on the class; a surprise only to Jimmy who was attending the class for the first time this semester. With the black cloud of academic probation hanging back over his head, Jimmy is forcing himself to hunker down and try to get things in order; alcoholically speaking of course. Jimmy should have no problem finding distractions from his troubles this weekend; here are his top places to fill the steins.

The Band Perry (Cross Insurance Center, Bangor): In all honesty Jimmy bought tickets for this concert a couple of months ago thinking that Steve Perry, former lead singer of Journey, was touring with his own band. It was only after the fact that he realized it was a different group altogether, the wildly successful Perry siblings, who would be playing a now sold out show with opening act Scott McCreery. Apparently lead singer Kimberly Perry is a bit of a “smoke show” and with a couple of cold ones in the tank she can only look better in Jimmy’s eyes. A brown bagged Colt 45 Double-Malt Wide Mouth behind the dumpster at the Main Street Irving is pretty standard for any event at the CIC. Jimmy is still holding out hope for at least a couple of Journey covers from The Band Perry, but it isn’t looking likely at this point. Don’t stop believing Jimmy.

UMaine v Holy Cross (New Balance Field House, Orono): Jimmy has a thing for high-jumpers and if they’re female, even better. With the field house going through renovations for the last year Jimmy has had to resort to watching track and field meets through a grainy YouTube feed. However, the ‘new’ New Balance Field House, which apparently replaced the ‘old’ New Balance Field House, officially opens for business this Saturday as the Black Bears host Holy Cross. The previous facility interior was comparable to an abandoned World War II hanger; the new building is bright and airy, perfect for all the high jumpers to take flight. Jimmy will be sneaking a flask into the meet with his beverage of choice being a Highball as he cheers on the ladies clearing the high bar.

BearFest (New Balance Student Rec Center, Orono): Jimmy is all about raising money for a good cause, something he does weekly checking the couches in the library for drinking funds. However on Saturday evening Jimmy will be putting down his Pabst Blue Ribbon and putting on his blue suede shoes for the BearFest Dance Marathon. The event helps support Eastern Maine Health System’s chapter of the Children’s Miracle Network and there is nothing more important than helping the next generation of Black Bears. Jimmy will be dancing the night away with the lovely Katrina Martin who is still accepting donations in the final days leading up to the event. No booze here, it is all about philanthropy, or should we say FILLanthropy.

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