FTS Tailgating DOs and DON’Ts

FTSIf you’re a regular to FillTheSteins.com, you know that etiquette is the very first thing we think of, in any situation.  Who else gives you the best cheap beer advice?  Need to know which fork to use in the Tap Room at Pat’s?  Try the one rolled up in the napkin with your knife.  And here’s a freebie: always be sure to wear your formal body paint to a night game at the Alfond.  (It’s always better to be overdressed than underdressed, as my grandfather used to say…)  And so, just days away from UMaine Homecoming, we remain as helpful as ever, as we present our TAILGATING DOs & DON’Ts.  You’re welcome.

 

DON’T… Forget to hydrate.  Long day + booze + food + singing The Stein Song = dry mouth.  Get your H2O on.  It’s important.

DO… Anticipate your bathroom breaks.  There are lots of people, and lots of people means lines.  You’ve been warned.

 

DON’T… Use the porta-potties after noon (unless it’s an emergency, and certainly not without the proper shots from a Board-certified physician).

DO… In this case, pay the $1.00 entrance fee to use the bathroom in the New New Balance Fieldhouse.

 

DON’T… Eat pre-made frozen hamburger patties.  For the love of Bananas T. Bear.

DO… Make your own patties from ground cheap burger.  Make them the night before or on-site (pro tip: bring Purell).  Make them with tender, loving care, massaging the special seasoning into the meat firmly but oh-so delicately…  Mmmm…  What?  Oh.  Sorry.  Got carried away there.

 

DON’T… Forget your ID.  I can’t believe I even need to say this.

DO… Show up early.  (#RiseAndStein!)  Sadly, these things aren’t all-day affairs like they are in the south (yet…).  Take advantage of this opportunity to support the UMaine community and Black Bear Football team!

 

DON’T… Ask Parking Services to help you find your car while holding a half-empty fifth of Jim Beam.

DO… Jump on Parking Services’ Segway – as long as they say it’s OK first.

 

MacSegway

   Get permission, folks.

 

DON’T… Be an asshole.  Seriously.  We’re all Black Bears, here.  Except………

DO… Maintain a consistent and dominating, if friendly, rivalry with any road-tripping rival tailgaters.

 

DON’T… Bring glass bottles.  I don’t care if it’s this wicked-hard-to-find craft brew from Colorado with German Polaris hops cross-bred with Maui Wowie.  There are plenty of good beers in cans these days.  Glass breaks.  Cans don’t.

DO… Share.  By all means, cut off an egregious mooch, but tailgating = friendgating.  Or something.

 

DON’T… Be a hermit.  Best thing about a tailgate?  There are no walls, so NO BEING A WALLFLOWER!  Get in there and chat it up, champ!

DO… Tell every single political candidate that comes by your ‘gate that they have your vote.  They’re more likely to move on quickly that way.  (Side benefit?  It totally screws with their polling data in that valuable age 18-49 day-drinker demographic.)

 

DON’T… Get so crazy on Friday night that your tailgate is ruined by a vicious jagerbomb-induced hangover.  Or go ahead.  I don’t care.  I’m not your mom.

DO… Pace yourself.  We like to party, too, but you’ll regret that vodka-infused marriage proposal to the lady at the Craft Fair who makes dog sweaters.  Trust me.

 

DON’T… Ask for Keith Luhmann’s number.  I know he’s charming.  But HE IS A TAKEN MAN, DO YOU HEAR ME?!?  HE HAS A WIFE AND A BABY, FOR PETE’S SAKE!  YOU GET OUT OF HERE WITH YOUR ADULTEROUS NONSENSE!  JUST GO!

DO… Take pics.  Tweet ‘em with the #RiseAndStein hashtag.  Get famous.  I promise, you’ll get famous.

 

DON’T… Wear a tie, cocktail dress, or any of that.  Ole Miss does that.  This is Black Bear country.  FLANNEL FTW!

DO… Wear comfortable shoes.  There just aren’t enough chairs for everyone, pal.

DON’T… Try and park near the tailgating lot if you’re not coming in.  Just commit to parking and walking.  You will save time in the end.

DO…  Look for the very large FILL THE STEINS banner.  You can’t miss it.  If you do, we will have optometrist recommendations on-site.

 

DON’T… Forget that Fill The Steins’ tailgate will have food, friends, and entertainment galore!

DO… Bring your best Stein Song-singing voice for a chance at amazing prizes and giveaways!

 

Now let’s get out there and have some good old-fashioned Black Bear fun!  Cheers… To responsible tailgating!

 

mgrondin@fillthesteins.com

@matteegee

 

 

 

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