WWJD: Where Will Jimmy Drink

Finals week is nearly upon us and many of you are likely freaking out about consuming copious amounts of knowledge over the weekend just for the sake of passing a class and staying in school. Please. Jimmy is concerned about consuming as well, but in the liquid form of course. As he always likes to say, you can’t fill your minds until you fill the steins. So as you struggle to finish that research paper on Eastern European Advance Basket Weaving Techniques, think of taking a break and perhaps heading out to find Jimmy at these great locations.
Fogler Library (Orono): Suprised to find Jimmy at the library? Don’t be, he’s actually been spending several late nights in the stacks on the 2nd Floor over the last few weeks. While the library has very strict rules about bringing in outside food and beverages Jimmy is one step ahead of the game. There is a water fountain in the stacks that Jimmy has piped to the basement and tied into a 5 gallon bucket of Popov Vodka. You’re welcome. Just keep in mind that it is first come, first serve and when the booze runs out the splitter valve will kick back to water. Just look for the water fountain with people passed out next to it.
Men’s Basketball vs Army (Cross Insurance Center, Bangor): If sneaking beverages into quiet study places is your thing, but you’ve already hit up the library, try the Cross Insurance Center on Friday night as the Men’s Basketball team takes on Army. We’ve already talked about the lack of attendance at the new home of men’s and women’s basketball, and it is nothing against the teams, but the lack of noise and plush seating might be perfect for studying while taking in a game. The men’s basketball team is off to a slow start with a 1-7 record, but we know the boys in blue will pull through. 
Unnamed Hilltop Dorm (Orono): Most dorms will be implementing quiet hours right through the end of finals and while many of you see this as an opportunity to study, Jimmy sees it as an opportunity to party. Any chump can try to throw a party in their dorm room during quiet hours, but odds are you are going to get popped by the RA’s. Instead Jimmy is utilizing his locksmith skills to change out the lock on a room in an “unnamed Hilltop dorm” to prevent the RA’s from entering as the music is thumping. But the party won’t be there, while the RA’s and Campus Police attempt to gain entry to that room Jimmy will be partying in a different room on a different floor with some of his closest friends. Who would’ve thought you’d learn an important life lesson during finals week from Jimmy? The classic bait and switch technique.
Men’s Hockey vs American International (Alfond Arena, Orono): Saturday night will be your last chance to brown-bag-it on Hilltop and then stumble down to Alfond to take in a men’s hockey game before the end of the semster. Odds are that many of you will have given up on trying to study for your finals by then so feel free to join Jimmy for his one-man pre-game on that half mile walk down the hill. The Black Bears have turned a few heads so fair this season with a winning record and some impressive wins already. Jimmy has laid 20 sawbucks down on Maine sweeping the weekend series with the undermatched American International.

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